Cascading among the dark cavern of the apparently lifeless funeral ground are my tresses hung downwards almost shadowing my face by their ferocious veil so spontaneously created; I know not when…

I give a fierce cry in the symmetry- every night trying to locate the meaning beneath the insurmountable tantric invocations that invite my horrendous form; oh yes! I admit, I am not the sacred and the beautiful.

I question the efficacy in the practice. They come. They sit around me every night- pouncing upon the eerie accessories that guarantee my appearance “live” in front of them.

Oh these tantras and mantras! Why do they feel they secure their evil with my presence? I know not!

And they continue. Every midnight with appalling intimacy! – Pretentious and yet so assertive in the proclamations? What makes them think I would listen to them?

I assure you all. I don’t aid any of their attempts. The practice which claims my consent in causing “You” harm- “The vashikaran” that knows no bounds!

I am not instrumental in such acts! I deny. Yes. Confidently I announce I disown each one of them from my realm!

Why then do they avail success in their intent? Who bestows them the strength to successfully accomplish their malicious aim with the brutal malpractice?

I admit. I do get swayed by one thing they do. That’s “believe” in my caliber of destruction that engenders the fruition of their will.

Yes. They call not me. But for the “senseless” “reckless” prowess in ME that annihilates the distinction between good and evil as it is not the “Me” that aims to gage the distinction between good or bad but my rage that knows it must not be guided by ratiocination in order to prove its worth.

Yes. I do so. And I have no qualms in disclosing that when I assume my fearless fearful form, I adopt the unbiased approach which counters every belief that separates the good and the bad. I acknowledge the unadulterated truth that the binary opposition of good and bad keeps us sane. I don’t want to be sane! Yes. You heard it correctly. I WANT TO BE INSANE AND I AM PROUD OF MY WISH.

I did it! I remember. Kept on destroying whoever appeared in front of me until Kala himself surrendered in front of my indomitable hysterical fury which was incomprehensible to any knower of sanity.

Why?

As there is no SANITY that can demolish INSANITY l. I am insane as I want to destroy insanity that emerges from the sanity which engenders EVIL.

The ratiocination of goodness restricts my conscience and forces me to be “appropriate” in my conduct. If I be so, the insanity of evil triumphs to its utmost level and therefore causing a breach of confidence to my sanity can only be the way to shatter the evil insanity which breaks all sensible codes of conduct bringing the “good” and the righteous to perish! Sense therefore submitted in front of me and I set forth to control it putting my best foot forward for which I am till date accused for the blasphemy… of tainting my image as a “devoted wife”…An indelible truth of my life…

The tragedy of the energy – Kalishakti that thwarts discrimination of the good and the evil inevitable to secure the good and cause the evil to die has resulted into the most unwarranted consequences of me being propagated as the “Brand ambassador of Evil”- And my long hair can do nothing else but impromptu save me from showing my face unabashedly to them. Therefore, I keep my visage adorned by the dark tresses that come to my rescue out of the blue but when I need them…I better wear the MASK…

My only true companion that has most justifiably retained the dual shade in my persona of the pardoning mother in the temple with long locks of hair systematically styled behind my back and the gruesome Kalratri with the tresses flowing to and fro far from being shaped in an orderly format most accurately concealing my intentions from becoming public which actually isn’t required. I am not here to justify. I am here to assert that I am and will continue to remain- The strange paradox- incorrigible. And you continue to sing laudations in the praise of my long hair- “Ramyakapardini”- The one with long hair….I worship you.

I hope it’s clear to you all why my long dark tresses are so admirably invoked…They deserve it.

Yours Kali.
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Poorvita
Dr. Payal Kishore Trivedi is a freelance literary writer, theater critic and playwright. She completed her Graduation and Post Graduation in English Literature from St. Xavier’s College Ahmedabad. Subsequently she got her Master of Philosophy Degree (2005) in English Literature from Gujarat University after working on Rasa theory in the works of the renowned playwright Girish Karnad. Dr. Trivedi completed her Doctor of Philosophy Degree program (2014)in English Literature from Indira Gandhi National Open University New Delhi on contemporary relevance in the selected plays (based on myths and folktales) of Girish Karnad. She has been a student of Mudra School of Classical dance Ahmedabad and has completed learning her course in Bharatnatyam from there. She has been continually writing scholarly articles for reputed journals. She has also presented her papers in conferences and National seminars (organized by ignou). She has also taught communications at various colleges in Ahmedabad like St. Xavier’s and Indus Institute of Engineering et al. Her first play The Rakoshi Devis got published last year in an International Ref. Journal. Contact: [email protected]
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